is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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