I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
