i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
