she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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