Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
