Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
