I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
