i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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