I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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