Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We got so high we made milksteak
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
