come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
