what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
