Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
