I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
