Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
