Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
