I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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