Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
