I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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