I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Boobs are out for the taking
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
