belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
