yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
