I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i out mim tonsoeep
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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