OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
