I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just had sex bonerless
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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