Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
whose parrot is this?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
