I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I need moral support for this bender
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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