So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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