Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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