just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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