It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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