When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
