I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You can't special order awesome
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize