Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize