I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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