I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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