Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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