and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
