Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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