he thought i was a dude.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
