He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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