i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
