So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
