I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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