I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
