That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
