um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
