He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
