Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
