he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
