You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
