Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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