see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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