he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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