Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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