mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize