i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
