At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
